A 26-year-old single woman has been going through a rough patch. The guy she loved is now marrying her friend, her health has been poor, and she has no motivation to live. The problem is I suddenly seem to have lost interest in most things in life. I used to dream dreams of the kind of husband I would settle down with, the family I would have, of seeing everyone around me happy and smiling. But the problem is I dont feel so upbeat or happy myself - from where will I make others happy? I seem to have lost my zest for life and find everything a chore. I still cry at myself now - I guess I am still wallowing in self-pity and the usual "why me?" I feel I have nothing to look forward to. I feel very hollow and empty. Like I have nothing left to give. I keep thinking will I ever be my old self again?
What is it that sets humans apart from the other animals in the animal kingdom? The ability to dream, to imagine, to see beyond what is only detected by the senses. Even faith is not unique to humankind. Animals have far more faith in 'the system' than perhaps most humans do. They operate from a sort of collective unconscious, but we have more than that; we have knowledge. We have memory in conjunction with the written word. We can learn from not only our own experiences but those of millions of other humans as well. We have gifts beyond basic acts of survival. We have art and culture and technology. We have communication with those we have never met. We have books, films, festivals. (Any more blessings, anyone?) We also have the ability to count our blessings.
And to think, we only get one chance out of 8.4 million lives to be born human! How lucky we are!
And what do we do with this precious, precious existence? What do we make of the only chance we get to dream, to imagine, to understand, to communicate, to create something beyond what we were born with?
We mope. Of what we don't have, of what we can't be, of wanting what someone else has. And we forget how perfect, how divine, how blessed we already are.
Dearest girl, I will address your individual issues.
Unrequited love: I love this little witty bit of shayari, 'Tu nahin, aur sahi, aur nahin, aur sahi.' It means, 'If not you, then someone else. If not someone else, then someone else.' Smile now!
Ok, jokes aside, you are bright, sensitive and intelligent enough to know that we do not own anyone. We cannot capture someone else with 'love' or 'being what they want us to be'. Love is to be shared, not snared. The receiving lies in the giving of it. Be complete within yourself, do not wait for the other to complete you. Love yourself as much as you want him to love you, and then love the other for what he is, as is, without any desire to change him. If the other realises how special you are and how wholesome your love is, good for you.
If he does not reciprocate, it's still good for you. Something better awaits.
Love, my janeman, is never born, nor does it die. It is always, always there, even if the object of your affection isn't in your vision yet. Love him anyway. He will materialise when both of you are ready for it. Love is when you are both equal, neither is more powerful than the other, both are equally needy and equally generous in giving. Anything else is a compromise.
If something hasn't worked out, thank your lucky stars it didn't. By being emotionally unprepared, you would have attracted the wrong character into your life. You were protected from future hurt, and have been given time to grow and develop yourself, and attract a similar strong soul into your orbit. Rest easy.
Dad is over protective, doesn't let you have friends: Once you are resolved and confident within yourself, other things will fall in place. He is only trying to protect you from further hurt. I do not see this as a problem at all. Thank him for his presence and protection in your life. Once you are balanced, stable and healthy, it will show in your demeanour and your actions. And he will realise you can look after yourself, and will let you go. Sit back and enjoy his parental warmth and safety nest. You will miss it sorely when it is gone.
Health issues: I truly believe that our health is a manifestation of our thoughts. The healthier the mind, the healthier the body. Harmony (and thus happiness) results when our thoughts are aligned with our words, and our words with our actions. So while you may say you love your life and wish to live, if you do not follow up this wish with your actions, your being will be thrown out of gear. So if you say you wish to live long, and yet continue to smoke or do drugs, your thoughts are contradicting your actions.
Will to live: Let's instead address the root cause of your debilitating health problems. You seem to have lost the desire to live. I go back to the beginning of my post. What will you tell your Maker (or yourself for that matter) when you are called to answer for what you did with this precious gift of a human life? Why should you have continued to have it, when so many others lose theirs at a young age, innocently, unwillingly, in attacks or disease, much before their time? What more did you make of it, or are going to make of it? What did you create, leave behind, how many lives did you touch?
Don't treat this life casually. It's holy and it's divine. As are you. Love yourself, respect the flame that glows within you. You may only get it after another 8.4 million lives.
Look in the mirror, and sing this song to yourself right NOW:
Lovin' you is easy, 'cause you're beautiful
Makin' love with you is all I wanna do
Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true
And everything that I do is out of lovin' you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do
No one else can make me feel
The colours that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtime
'Cause lovin' you has made my life so beautiful
And every day my life is filled with lovin' you
Lovin' you, I see your soul come shinin' through
And every time that we oooooh
I'm more in love with you.
Here's to lovin' you, kid.